This One's Written Just For You

I'm sharing this diary entry written while undergoing cancer treatments because the resulting revelation applies to you too, cancer or not.



April, 2015


The past two days were debilitating. I felt like I was backpedaling, so I called the oncologist's office and spoke to my nurse manager.

She gave me full attention as I updated her on my symptoms - the unrelenting fatigue, searing bone pain, muscle aches, and sharp brain pain. There were intestinal issues and agonizing abdominal pain.

Finally, I ended with a pleading question, "Is this normal?"

I wanted answers. I wanted to know just what to expect. I wanted assurance that my symptoms were normal. I wanted to know recovery timeframes and expectations.

There was silence at the other end of the line. 

Then, finally, a response: "Truth is, there are so few cases of this kind of cancer, that they don't have enough outcomes to predict recovery times or extents."

In other words, it is whatever it is.

Oh, great.

I felt stunned by the haunting uncertainty,

Then I hung up the phone, clasped my hands, fell to my knees, and looked up. 

"It's just you and me, Lord," I prayed. "Just you and me. There's no script to follow. It's just you and me."

As if it were any different for any one of us...